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“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” -Thich Nhat Hanh
Since the age of 13, I have been extremely self-conscious. That was the age that I had moved to Arizona and it was basically a huge culture shock for me. It was all different to me - not only the place, but the people. I was born and raised in the Bronx, so I was always used to seeing girls with similar bodies to mine - big boobs, huge hips and big butts. I thought my body was normal and never had a problem with it. Then moving to Arizona, I began to see a lot more skinny girls. It made me feel so insecure and that was when I began I consider myself as "the fat girl". I got into a deep depression because I didn't feel like I fit in and I just hated living here. Because I was so depressed, I started to 'eat my feelings' and more and more, I gained weight.
When I became a freshman in high school, things got worse for me. This is around the time I began using Tumblr and those anonymous question asking sites. Every time I logged on to those websites, I had people leaving me nasty comments about how fat I was. It got to the point where I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. When I did, I'd point out every single one of my flaws and just bawl my eyes out. High school was definitely the worst years of my life. It's when guys begin taking interests in girls...except for me. I felt like no guy would ever like me because I was fat. I was always that friend in the group that never had a boyfriend because they simply wouldn't look my way. I never let anyone know of what I was feeling simply because it's easier to not say anything.
It does get better...
After spending all that time scrutinizing myself in the mirror, trying to find ways to look better or skinnier, I slowly began to realize that I would never be truly happy if I didn't stop this nonsense. How did I expect to be loved by someone when I couldn't even love myself? I knew it was time for me to learn how to become comfortable in my own skin.
In our extremely visual culture I think we all struggle with the idea of what beauty really is. Girls strive to be who they see on TV, in movies and in magazines when in reality, it's just society's perception of beauty. No one should have to feel as if they need to look like a model or actresses/actors to be beautiful. Looks should not and do not define who you are as a person.
I learned to just love who I am I as a person. We are all beautiful if we simply love ourselves. It's about being confident and not caring what others think of you; we are the key to our own acceptance. There's only one of us in this world so why should we waste energy trying to feel accepted and loved by others? When you start down that road to self acceptance - that road to truly loving who you are, flaws and all, it’s then that you can truly open yourself up to being beautiful, for you and no one else.
We've all been bullied once in our life have felt bullied because of the way we look. Whether it'd been social alienation, cyber bullied, verbally bullied, etc. but it's about not letting any of those words get to you. If they don't know you personally, don't take it personal. It does hurt, but just remember that their goal is to hurt you. Show them you don't give a flying f***k what they say! I used to think that maybe if I lost weight, guys would be a bit interested in me and I'd probably even have more friends. Now that I look back, I want to slap myself and say, "DON'T CHANGE FOR ANYONE!!!!" If you're going to make any changes, make them for you and only you. If you feel the need to diet to make YOU feel better about yourself,but make sure it's to make yourself happier and for your health.
These past two months, I've done nothing but learn how to love myself for who I am and it has boosted my self-esteem so much and it shows. When I look in the mirror now, I don't hate what I see. I love the strong young woman I've become. People begin noticing your confidence too. They will be able to see it in the way you carry yourself and in your body language. Nothing is more beautiful than becoming a stronger, more confident you.
OhMy! This blog post really do touches me...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry and sad to know that you suffered after your move to Arizona.
but i'm happy you recovered and realized that loving who you are is a way to make you happier.
I definitely do have a low-self esteem and I'm still learning to be more confident with my self.
Blogging has help me so far....
Ohh and btw I followed you.
I hope you want to follow me back. =)
Thank you so much and have a great day ahead.
XOXO
Sincerely Renny
Thank you for checking out my blog and I did follow your blog right now and can I just say that I love it :)xo
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